Making fun of my major

Just found these online... unfortunately they won't fit into the 140-character limit that Twitter imposes, so here goes!


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Top reasons to be a statistician
-- Estimating parameters is easier than dealing with real life.
-- Statisticians are significant
-- If you've ever wanted to learn the entire Greek alphabet.
-- The probability a statistics major will get a job is > .9999.

-- We're normal and everyone else is skewed.

-- The regression line looks better than the unemployment line.

-- No one knows what we do so we are always right.

-- Deviation is considered normal..

-- We are right 95% of the time.

-- We are honestly significantly different.

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Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there. The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.

The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out."

The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants."

While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires. They both scream, "What are you doing?"

To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size."

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A statistician's proof that all odd numbers are prime:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is experimental error so throw it out, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... the rest follows by induction.

Did you hear about the statistician who took the Dale Carnegie course? He improved his confidence from .95 to .99.

Did you hear about the statistician who was thrown in jail? He now has zero degrees of freedom.

A statistician's definition of a scenic and exotic trip is traveling three standard deviations above the mean in a normal distribution.

Two unbiased estimators were sitting in a bar. The first asked, "So, how do you like married life?" The second replied, "It's pretty good if you don't mind giving up that one degree of freedom!"

What is a triple-blinded, completely randomized case-control clinical drug trial?

One in which the patients do not know which drug treatment they are receiving, the nurses do not know which drug treatment they are administering, and the physicians conducting the study do not know

what they are doing!